 The previous Mimosa, you may recall,
included Lon Atkins's article on the great fannish card game of Hearts. While we were in
Cincinnati at Corflu 4, we ran across Dave Locke, who was the object of some of the humor
of that article. Far from being offended, he thought it was actually quite funny. Anyway, in
the interests of fair play, we're happy to present the following article in response.
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I Remember Lemuria, and Lon Atkins, Vaguely...by Dave Locke  I should never go to conventions. I always come
home remembering that I've promised to write articles for about three fan editors. Usually the
memory dims and it gradually escapes me as to who it was these articles were promised to. The
unfortunate thing is that I use this as an excuse to not write anything. What I should
do is write the material anyway, then take it to the next convention I go to and pass it out to
whoever asks me for articles. "Yes, thanks, Dave. However, an article about your experiences
during the oil shortage of 1974 isn't exactly what I had in mind." "I know, but if I write
about Lon Atkins it will be even less marketable to whoever approaches me for material at my
next convention."Being a fan editor myself, I understand all the
problems. Obviously Dick Lynch does, too. When I got home from the April 1987 Corflu, I emptied
my pockets and found the following note from him:Dave LockeArticle for Mimosa #3Reprint from apazine?Story about Atkins?Would like by about May 1, if possible.For publication this summer (if all goes well).Just my luck to run into an organized faneditor.
After I promise, he puts it in writing and shoves it into my pocket. I'll bet he has a carbon
of it pinned to the wall above his desk at home.I've looked at this note many times since
Corflu 4, including on May 1st and more frequently on the days that followed. It's not
that I don't want to write something because, after all, Mimosa is a good fanzine and
Dick and Nicki are good people. It's not that I don't want to write an article about
Lon Atkins.Dick and I were talking in the hallway outside
the Corflu consuite. We had been talking about fan X who was threatening legal action
against fan Y, shaking our heads over the hate and discontent of it all, and Dick opened
his fanzine to the article by Lon Atkins (( "The Great Hearts Shootout" in
Mimosa #2 )). He tapped his finger on the page a few times, then asked if I'd
read it and if so what my reaction was. Immediately I leapt to my feet, threatened to sue his
shorts off without ever removing his trousers, and made the offhand remark that "I didn't have
to receive your fanzine to be insulted; I could have stayed married." I then sat down and lit
another cigarette, told him that Lon was a great fellow and a good friend, and that I was as
amused by his reprint of the article as I was the first time I read it. He then asked if what
Lon had written about me in was accurate, and I told him it was all a pack of lies or at least
no more than 85% true at best, or maybe 90%. All right, maybe even 95%.
Lon's article, you'll recall, was about how a
hotshot SoCal Hearts player named Dave Locke got shot down in flames in two successive Hearts
matches. Lon, who had almost always won any Hearts match at which I didn't sit in, rubbed his
hands in glee after my second successive loss and proceeded to lock himself away in his fan
den for twelve hours to compose, edit, type final copy, and chortle over this one-shot
article/publication which he would run through any apa he was a member of and any apa which
would let him frank it through. He called it Icepick #6. He sent my copy on
April 7th, 1980 with the following cover letter:"Enjoyed the Hearts party, although I was saddened to see those terrible cards so consistently in your hand. (They would have gone much better with Glyer... ) "Nevertheless, thanks for hosting. After I return from my trip we simply must lure Mr. Glyer down again. He deserves a rematch." But, of course, I moved out of the LArea in May
of 1980, and the rematch never happened... A letter from Lon dated 5/27/80 and starting off,
"Glad to hear of the safe completion of your journey", with a logo reading 'Office of
THE JACK OF DIAMONDS', contained the lines: "Sharpen up your Hearts game, Locke. We'll no
doubt lock horns again. ... It's always a pleasure to play against a man who understands the
game and never lets mere ethical or moral considerations stand in the way of razor-keen Hearts
practice. A man like me..."In August of 1980, Lon sent me a copy of his
fanzine A Hearts Primer. His cover letter says "This is a zine I've been working on
awhile (on and off). It's a humorous approach to the magic game; thought you might enjoy."I did, very much. As did anyone I know who
enjoys "the magic game". In my next letter back to Lon I told him:"I might somehow find a segue in my apazine to prompt recollection of the Hearts game where, in three successive passes from you, I shot the moon three times. Any true Hearts fan who reads A Hearts Primer would naturally be interested in background stories about how you came to possess the Hearts skills that you now enjoy. Certainly my recollection must be of the game where you first began to pick up on the idea of passing a low heart to known runners..." On March 24th of 1982, Lon sent me a short note
which included the following lines concerning the Petards (the 'other' group in Los Angeles). It
almost made me cry."We tried for a Hearts game at Petards, but couldn't find four players. Alas, the decline of Western civilization." The foregoing was from my letter files. I also
reviewed my fanzines for FLAP, which started in January of 1980 -- still going strong -- wherein
Lon and I are charter members. I didn't find anything worthy of being made into an article by
itself, but I did find a few quotable bits which I had addressed to Lon on the subject of Hearts.
The first one refers to the article which you read, in its reprinted state, in the last issue
of Mimosa.
JUNE 1980You're right: I did lose my ass at Hearts that Saturday night. And then a couple of days later I had to read a fourteen-page fanzine you wrote all about it. Son, we Old Hands don't cause a lot of ruckus when we win a big game. Makes things more embarrassing when we occasionally lose... You must learn this lesson if you are to be ready for the Big League... JUNE 1981 For a guy who couldn't beat me at Othello, you've got a lot of balls to propose a ranking system of "Atkins: Master; Novice: Locke." DECEMBER 1981 I read in a fanzine about your third Hearts tourney win (( at the DeepSouthCon )).
Congratulations again. I'm sorry I wasn't there to give you a run for your money (by the way,
are there any stakes involved, or just the title?), but then again I haven't played Hearts since
the last time I played you (remember, you published a 214-page fanzine all about it to 
I suppose I could make up some additional stuff,
but my heart isn't into doing a good job of it. I mean, I was in Southern Califunny from 1968
to 1980, and when I first met Lon he was a very respectable Hearts player. In the twelve years
we resided in the same general area, Lon managed to greatly improve his game and frequently
came in second-place at those matches which I attended. He learned to pass low hearts to known
runners. He learned to take less than 45 seconds to decide what card to play or I would kick him
in the kneecap. He learned not to do obvious Table Talk or I would pour his drink on his head.
Over the course of twelve years Lon managed to learn many things about the magic game by paying
attention to the way that I played it. That he lost his head at the end and published a 774 page
article about my losing twice in succession, well... everyone goes bonzo once in a while and it
would be a mistake for me to throw out the baby with the bath water. Lon is a good fellow, and
it would be wrong to castigate him for displaying excessive pride in being delighted at the
stumbling of one of his elders. Had I stayed in Suthren Califunny, Lon would have better learned
the lesson of humility and would never, in 1986, have subnitted Icepick #6 for
reprinting in Mimosa #2.And though I haven't played Hearts since 1980,
neither has Lon played Hearts with me since 1980, which has resulted in the hampering of his
natural development in the game. Considering the time which has passed, he probably thought it
safe to have this intemperate article reprinted.What this amounts to, I suppose, is that since
1980 Lon has played a few Hearts matches with reasonable but uninspiring competition. Merely
surviving, unchallenged by any real competition, he has become emboldened in the last seven years
and has lost sight of what happened in the twelve years prior to those two lucky matches. I hear
that, since I left L.A., Lon has not even played a match with any reasonable peer-level
competition. Instead, he has been busy playing against second-level competition and involving
himself with computer-simulated Hearts where he programs deliberate weaknesses into
computer-simulacrums of Master Hearts Players whom he has consistently lost to in the past. A
sad affair.Lon is a good friend and one of the best Hearts
players I have ever had the opportunity to share a table with. He has produced A Hearts
Primer, the best publication on Hearts to appear in either the fan or pro press. His
personality has been unique at the Hearts table. His wins, in competitions which have held a
minimum of top-ranked players, have been impressive. Lon is definitely a Legend in the game, a
public relations giant in the mold of Harlan Ellison, though Lon is much taller.One of this days Lon and I will get together
again. Considering everything, we should start off the first match real slow, just so we
break-in easy.Say, $10 a point.
 All illustrations by Alan Hutchinson |
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